view comments
view comments
comment
comment
share
<- ESSAYS
CRITERIA
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?
Overall the essay is quite well written with no grammatical issues that I've identified. However, there may be a structural issue with it.

You mention anecdotes to support your viewpoint but have no hard data. Some sources could solidify the point you are making. This may or may not be relevant depending on the context your essay was written in but is something to consider.

RESPONSE:
can you give me example about "solifying explaination" I really don't know. what should I do

Sure! I think a source that details the drawbacks you discuss about Internet technologies would be good. For example https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/2/20/18210498/smartphones-tech-social-media-teens-depression-anxiety-research


It is a well-known fact that the latest technological devices transformed how youngsters use their leisure time. While there are some obvious benefits associated with this development, they are overshadowed by drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are two main benefits when the young spend their spare time on technology devices. First, Internet-based devices allow users to get access to learning materials freely available online to delve into their areas of the internet. For instance, a smartphone connected to the internet will encourage a young English learner to acquire vocabulary and grasp grammar rules via free E e-books. Second, with the advent of technological innovations, young people spend their spare time in more diverse ways than ever before without having to leave the comfort of their home. Chance are they choose to watch videos, play computer and chat with online friends on social networking sites.

On the other hand, the drawbacks involved in using technology in children’s spare time is more significant. Constantly having their eye glued to the screens, they will allocate less time for physical activities what may follow is the development of a sedentary lifestyle. There will be a higher likelihood of various health conditions including heart problems and obesity. In addition, the increase of screen time lowers the chance of engaging in family get-togethers and social gatherings. As a consequence, the children will lose a sense of belonging to family and society causing them to feel isolated and depressed.

In conclusion, youngsters have more to lose than gain from technological consumption. They should strike a balance between the benefit and the cost when expending their time on technological devices.
view comments
view comments
comment
comment
exit essay
Learn but don't copy directly ;)
Comment Copied