Describe how you have prepared for your intended major
Graph 1: I wouldn't say I'm passionate about my major directly but instead discuss your passion for public service and policy which drove you to political science. "I was born to serve" sounds a bit arrogant and besides no admissions officer knows you personally.
Graph 2: 1st sentence is too long. Split it into two. Last sentence also too long. Cut out the redundant phrases of "I've read... every book... and biographies."
Graph 3: First sentence way too long. Also is your perspective that unique? I suspect tens of thousands of poli-sci students feel the same way.
Graph 4: Awkward series of sentences and a missing period.
Graph 5: Cut "I believe my coursework speaks for itself". Does it really?
Graph 6: I would rewrite to: " Due to my understanding of the foundations that make up political science, my personal studies, and performance in lower division major coursework I believe I will be a successful...". Even what I wrote is too long but it's a good place to start.
Graph 7: Seems to be a second/third version of your essay embedded at this point.
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